And I deserted the battlefield,
Took a leave from anxiety and fear,
A holiday far away from my own dear self.
Was lucky to find a chair beside the fountain
And stretched out my legs, and turned on music,
looking sleepily in the face of the world.
And the sunlight came and washed my face
descended into my heart, and dwelt
there, as a huge leafy tree,
an undivided sea of peace,
a simple well-being that comes after much pain and tears:
the mild happiness of being alive.
So the world passed by, and in deep golden peace
I was holding you close to my heart.
And everything fell in place: in love.
So my sin lays before me no longer as an open grave
but as a lead bullet taken by the surgeon
out of the muddy broken crushed flesh.
With the shameful knowledge,
of the sin that methodically ruins my life:
that I am utterly unable to trust,
that I am functionally disabled and can't close this gap
that my love is weak and does not chase away fear
that my faith is largely an entertaining fiction
I am now back into the sunlight of your blessed heart.
Paris 23/10 2011
This is so very beautiful, and I see it as an acceptance, a cradling, of our sin in our hearts and that with the acceptance comes the means of overcoming it. The final line is wonderful. It is a simple and pure statement of fact after the turmoil of the previous six lines and so refreshing - the reader him (her)self feels like breathing out an 'ah!' of resolution and breathing in the fresh air of peace and light.
ReplyDeleteI am very struck by the feeling of being alive as one of 'mild happiness' and would like further thought on this. What is the idea behind 'mild'? I think I can see it, but am interested in further elucidation.