Epiphany
I
Balanced on the tiptoe edge
Between reality and illusion
A falling was prepared for me
Set in train from the conjunction point of sperm and egg
And affected by every moment before and since
And I, unaware, wrapped myself in sweet sin
Jumped
And breathed pure headiness,
A spiralling force,
Stretching the extremities
Until, hollowed out inside
And denying the need for mere earthly air,
I arrived in my own world,
Desperately connected
Yet horribly alone
And, at the place of no thingness,
With dying itself pointless,
Only a reflected pulse from the range beyond the mountain
range
Kept me in time
Not yet heard, nor felt, but projected beyond mere senses
To the not me skittering inside
II
Such strange lovers – the Everything and the nothing!
Such a strange sensation
To feel the inbreathing kiss
And the inspiriting transfusion of want
Within one so wantless
Grace most openly admitted
When most keenly rejected
The vacuum is filled by that which creates it
III
The new creation sees without eyes
From inside,
Lower limbs flowing into the pavement, taking root,
Hands losing definition in contact with air
While the signals transmitted
In the world’s search for contact
Flow through the nerve-aware centre
Adhering uncontrollably
Semidesert dust, cherry petals and shrivelled autumn leaves
Appealing for a meaningful chance encounter
Only discoverable in the generative attitude of openness
In the touches self loses self
Views beyond the view appear
Diminishing safety, cast off,
Leaves encounters
Never before conceived
And poor circumscribed sight,
Halting on behind, bound in the familiar,
Is coaxed generously out of prejudice
To behold
A grey sky not merely grey
But of sinuously interweaving shades
Expanding the simple earthbound heart
.
I have been thinking about these so well found lines, « Desperately connected / Yet horribly alone ». I do recognise this state of mind – been there, long time ago though… well - subjectively it feels like ages ago.
ReplyDeleteYes : it is like being connected in a wrong way, by habit or dependence -- hence « desperately », because this feels like a constraint, a chain… And for this very reason, the connection doesn’t really serve its normal purpose – to connect, pardi ! -- hence, the loneliness / solitude is perceived as « horrible » ; as a void, in fact.
But this is not only about an individual feeling. This is the way we humans come into the world : desperately connected to people we didn’t choose, bound to humankind by our basic needs : for food, affection, security and esteem. Yet growing up, we discover that satisfaction of these needs does not really connect ; that we remain alone until we find another way to connect to people, an authentic way beyond need…
Then I started looking for a simple linguistic antithesis to this, and found it would be something like « Confidently detached / Yet delightfully connected ».
Or « Confidently connected / Yet delightfully detached » ?
Wow. Either way, it does coax out of prejudice. Still long way there ; but looks like this place does exist.
Mmmm...I like each one - they both have effective sound results, though 'confidently detached' is compelling as it asserts the essential strength of the individual before coming into contact with others, and then the 'delightful connection' comes as a happy surprise and flows OUT OF the integrity of the individual.
ReplyDeleteI like this, M! Perhaps we can busy ourselves with writing 'complaint' poems and then answering with their 'solutions' in antithesis!