Heart (Vikram Seth) : I wish I knew

I wake at three, in some slight pain.

I hear no sound of clock or rain, 

No chorus of the stars, no gong, 

Mosquito, siren, horn or plane.

Only my heart beats slow and strong. 

I listen to its certain song.

It does not sympathize but strives

To beat all night and all day long.

Whether my spirit soars or dives,

My blood, at its compulsion, drives 

Through its elastic chambers, through 

My arteries, my veins, my lives.

Above all, to my heart I’m true. 

It does not tell me what to do. 

It beats, I live, it beats again. 

For what? I wish I knew it knew.

Beautiful poem, set in music by Alec Roth and sung by the excellent Mark Padmore, whose fine, light, aerial tenor makes it sound contemporary and timeless. I couldn't find it on YouTube, you have to buy the album... Or pay for Amazon Prime. But every note and every word are worth it. 

Joseph Brodsky, A Song

This poem is on the tip of my tongue for a couple of days. Sharing just to get rid of it, if not of the underlying condition. 

I wish you were here, dear,
I wish you were here.
I wish you sat on the sofa
and I sat near.
The handkerchief could be yours,
the tear could be mine, chin bound.
Though it could be, of course,
the other way around.


I wish you were here, dear,
I wish you were here.
I wish we were in my car,
and you'd shift the gear.
We'd find ourselves elsewhere,
on an unknown shore.
Or else we'd repair
to where we've been before.


I wish you were here, dear,
I wish you were here.
I wish I knew no astronomy
when stars appear,
when the moon skims the water
that sighs and shifts in its slumber.
I wish it were still a quarter
to dial your number.


I wish you were here, dear,
in this hemisphere,
as I sit on the porch
sipping a beer.
It's evening; the sun is setting,
boys shout and gulls are crying.
What's the point of forgetting
if it's followed by dying?

On Resurrection

All I know is that before Edward's death, I didn't believe in resurrection, at least not in an individual, personal resurrection (I could imagine being “dissolved in the divine”, in a very intellectual way), let alone resurrection of the body. And now I find that I do believe that the specific glory of the individual human being*, body and soul undivided, will be restored and raised to a fuller life in Christ Jesus. I cannot tell what exactly makes me believe, and I have no idea how come I know this now; but I do, not just as a theory, but as a fact of experience. 

*for God will show your splendour everywhere under heaven. 
4 For God will give you evermore the name,
‘Righteous Peace, Godly Glory’. (Baruch)

"Will the sun forget to streak" - In Memoriam

Will the sun forget to streak
Eastern skies with amber ray,
When the dusky shades to break
He unbars the gates of day?
Then demand if Sheba's queen
E'er can banish from her thought
All the splendor she has seen,
All the knowledge thou hast taught.

Inexhaustible Wells

The return of an old thought of mine, reading Etty Hillesum tonight on the metro: the only thing you can really do with evil and suffering is to absorb them and turn them into kindness. Not to fight it or to wave it away, but to actively transform all forms of evil you encounter into warm and all-embracing love. And I think that maturity of a human being means the ability to do so without being destroyed by the evil absorbed, a kind and degree of inner stability, freedom and sturdiness that makes the worlds spin around your love. (This, I understand, is the meaning of the turning of the cheek business). But if that is to be, then I have to learn to contain, that is, to forgive and accept and be kind with my own pain and aggression and evil first of all, so that they are not spilled and projected all around. And I actually have no idea of the way to do it; for the wells of grief are deep, inexhaustible and mysterious, and I have not found a way yet to touch the bottom and return back unharmed. 

Happiness of rational creatures is NOT the sole aim of God

"The New Atlantis" publishes a long article to Leibniz in its last online issue (http://www.thenewatlantis.com/publications/the-optimistic-science-of-leibniz). I was delighted to find in Leibniz the view I have always held:

"To be free and to be both spirit and matter is good, even if this condition allows for evil and unhappiness. For sometimes “an evil brings forth a good,” and it is a false maxim “that the happiness of rational creatures is the sole aim of God.”

God’s creation is immense, and human beings make up only a tiny part of it, spatially and temporally; what makes us unhappy may well contribute to the good of the whole or to other creatures. Those who nevertheless criticize God’s creation, Leibniz writes in Theodicy, should receive the following answer:

You have known the world only since the day before yesterday, you see scarce farther than your nose, and you carp at the world. Wait until you know more of the world and consider therein especially the parts which present a complete whole (as do organic bodies); and you will find there a contrivance and a beauty transcending all imagination. Let us thence draw conclusions as to the wisdom and the goodness of the author of things, even in things that we know not. We find in the universe some things which are not pleasing to us; but let us be aware that it is not made for us alone. It is nevertheless made for us if we are wise: it will serve us if we use it for our service; we shall be happy in it if we wish to be."

Leibniz is an amazing thinker, and an archetypal Five -- unless, given the exceptional breadth and scope of his interests and achievements, he was a rare intellectual Seven :).

Something to believe in