On mercy and flickering light. Merry Christmas!

"For you will go before the Lord to prepare His ways,

to give knowledge of His salvation to His people 

by the forgiveness of their sins" 

Luke, 1:77-78

A friend told me yesterday that he had written a sonnet in which he expressed his sadness over the world that rejects Christ. I nodded in silent recognition - yes I know: a sore sadness over some stupid wrongdoing, some stubborn blindness, some pointless conflict... A truly universal feeling, I am sure everyone knows it.

And I thought: let this sadness be not only for the world, but on behalf of the world; and let it always be lifted up to the Lord by a plea for mercy, for "they know not what they do". All this kicking and shrieking, all this rejection and unwillingness to receive God are symptoms of the disease the world is suffering from...

Only mercy, only patient, gentle understanding of the deep distress of those very people who kick, shriek, bite a giving hand and otherwise "trespass against" can bring about a fully authentic, healing forgiveness, and therefore, knowledge of God's salvation; only patient, firm and consistent refusal to cease channeling God's love to the world, however lost in tantrums of denial, can bring peace to the confusion and tumult of our lives.

This plea for mercy was Christ's response to violence and rejection, as He was hanging on the cross. I want it to be mine, as I look at the center of my being today, discovering, amazed, that beyond weakness and confusion of my own heart, beyond inconsistency, violence and cruelty of the world Christ is born there again - a voice crying for mercy, a desire to bring God's love to the world, a refusal to hate, judge and deliver a blow for a blow.

This is the common ground we are standing on. This is the source to which we are and will always be free to return, grateful to perceive the light that shines in the darkness, and confident that the darkness will not overcome it. Not a cold mechanical neon light, nor a fierce bonfire - a flickering flame dancing within, always in danger of extinction. But here it is, suddenly bright and clear; and whereas so many things remain obscure, subject to doubts and hesitations, one thing I know today : here I am, to welcome, protect and share with others the life of Christ who is born today to share and restore mine.

All Souls

...Memory lives, sweet, undisturbed, plain

like the sound of falling rain,

in a fragrant  garden; tears of grief and then

silence and sleep, and rain, rain again.

Memory, live, sweet whisper, run through my veins

less than a hint, keep me within your embrace. 

Painful foreboding, watchful, exhausted, strained

drinks of your waters, o memory, looks for your face

blindly, with feverish lips saying prayers to leaden gods,

asking whatever may please their joyless unyielding mirth

Hold me, o memory, sweetheart, and be my abode

under the snow, under the ice, under earth. 

Paris, 25/09 - 02/11 2012

Thich Nhat Hanh on being fully conscious of reality:

"If we're really engaged in mindfulnesss while walking along the path to the village, then we will consider each step we take as an infinite wonder, and a joy will open our hearts like a flower. enabling us to enter the world of reality.

"I like to walk alone on country paths, rice plants and wild grasses on both sides, putting each foot down on the earth in mindfulness, knowing that I walk on the wondrous earth. In such moments, existence is a miraculous and mysterious reality. People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognise: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child--our own two eyes. All is a miracle."

Thich Nhat Hanh - The Miracle of Mindfulness p. 12





Amongst the paperbark trunks

On throwing shoes

I just love the moment when, after having literally killed his - enemy? sparring partner? - after having shot him, nailed him and otherwise destroyed him, the guy on the left takes off his shoe and throws it at the other! Hilarious. Can't quite grasp why it makes me laugh so much, but find it very funny.

Rolling In The Deep (Fever day)

Disclaimer (an example of non-ambivalence :)

One rather lively offline discussion about the Roots of Ambivalence prompts me to clarify a couple of basic assumptions.

What I described is obviously not The Ultimate Truth about any particular person as he/she is; nor does this text pretend to be a full picture of the human being as such. I simply attempted to outline, based on personal experience and on some reading and reflection one of the defence mechanisms that we tend to develop in early childhood as a means of coping with reality. I have been dealing with what Richard Rohr calls “shadow”, and Thomas Keating “false self”: emotional and behavioural patterns that hinder our development and prevent us from reaching our full human maturity in God.

Thus, in a sense, I have been describing what we are not, because of course there is much more than just these patterns to the human being as a whole. The question of what we can know at all about human souls as a whole is open to debate. Meanwhile, knowing a tiny little something about our limitations and the way they affect us and other people seems to me not only feasible, but positively desirable and necessary if the Christian call to conversion, new being and life in God is taken seriously.