Sail Away Sweet Sister

This is all about God, prayer, community, music, art, poetry, theology, love and all sorts of things people run into on their life journey, especially when the second half of life is looming ahead. It is inspired by Fr Richard Rohr, by the Contemplative Outreach of Fr Thomas Keating, by C.G. Jung, by C.S. Lewis, Alan Watts, St Beuno's retreat house and all the communities I have a privilege to belong to. It is dedicated to and I hope will be used by my nearest and dearest, scattered all over the planet, and who are falling upwards with me.

Tuesday 29 March 2016

Britten - Abraham and Isaac (listening notes)


All in all, Pears/Procter is probably the best version I have heard so far, although I do like Mark Padmore / Iestin Davies  very much, mainly for Padmore's part, which is dramatically just perfect, and also for their strange, alien, other-worldly God, who sounds very post-modern. Pears/Procter's God is also other-worldly, in a different way, and Britten playing piano makes it much more present; shame that Pears is not perfectly convincing all the time as Padmore is. The most disappointing was Pears/Baker version, I hate to say; as much as I love Dame Janet, these two voices just don't work well together here. Their God has too much of the other two protagonists; "too human", I would say... Well maybe they have (or had) a point after all. 

The text is available here - and it's really best heard with the text in hand of course. Listening to it again and again, I thought that I have always assumed that God expected Abraham to comply with His stated will -- to sacrifice Isaac unquestioningly, as the Patriarch was ready to do. But what if it was the other way round? What if God asked Abraham to kill his "dear darling" hoping that Abraham will see the absurdity of the request and show mercy towards Isaac? And then when God saw that this was not going to happen, He had to cancel it all, and to send an emergency sacrificial animal to Abraham; the imbecile was going literally to kill his son indeed... I guess this isn't impossible; after all, He desires "not sacrifice but mercy"... 

And on the other hand, the entire piece reminds me of Roublev's Trinity, that perfect harmony of love / will, between God (Holy Spirit), Abraham (Father) and Isaac (Son), even to and beyond the absurd... This is admirable, and so beautiful that actually this is THE reason why I will return again and again to this music. 

Wednesday 16 March 2016

About grieving

Stumbled on something about grieving today. That it is bottomless, of course; but more importantly, that it is about being painfully confronted to the reality that will never be the same, hit it as a sparrow hits a transparent window pane, struggle with it and fight it, resent it, hate it, and be exhausted; and eventually, accept it – in peace, I want to hope. Grieving, for me at least, is about recovery, resurrection of a capacity for love, dead with my loved one; the liveliest part of me, the most life-giving, the most overflowing has become distant memory, and that is what feels like being dead. 
And this is why I could not grieve in London: there was nothing to hit against, no reality to overcome, no things-without-Ed to make peace with – just brand new, meaningless void of an anonymous existence. I could have gone to the planet Mars, it wouldn't have been different… No wonder I ended up choking. But now real griefworks commence; now my pain has a sparring partner: this city which keeps track of my long forgotten trajectories, this flower shop we loved, this cafe we used to go for a beer. Getting back here did not make this pain less acute – just possible. But at least, I can make some sense of it. 

Sunday 13 March 2016

Desolatio (A new song in the voice of Mary Magdalene - music hopefully to follow in time)

Desolatio

(A Holy Saturday lament)


Where now have you gone to?
How are we still here?
Lacking our lives’ purpose
Beyond doubt and fear

Desolatio
Beauty now is silenced

Where now is your spirit?
How do things carry on?
Life has lost its meaning
All our hope has gone

Desolatio
Where now is your spirit?

Just a deadweight body
Lying in a cave
How can such lost promise
Ever really save?

Desolatio
Beauty now is silenced

What were all those sayings?
What now do they mean?
All things pass away now
Like they’ve never been

Desolatio
Where now is your spirit?


Beauty now is silenced
He will walk no more
Full hearts are now emptied
Of the hope they stored

Desolatio
Beauty now is silenced

So I must anoint him
Over his body run
Oil and tears and spices
Lost most lovely one

Desolatio
Beauty now is silenced